please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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