just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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