I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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