i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
