dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize