Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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