I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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