Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i now understand why vodka
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
