i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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