I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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