I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
do herpes really smell.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
