So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
