He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
