Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
