That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
