its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
