i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
