I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
