Tell her she can't have a vagina
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
