I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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