he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
