yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
