There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I am spending my child support on dildos
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
there is glitter all over my balls
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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