She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
