I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
