I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
All I want is dick and wine.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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