i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
