i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
