I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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