The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
