I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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