oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
