Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
