Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Even the bartender felt bad for me
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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