I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
