I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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