well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
