ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
