i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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