Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
