Cold hands, warm shart.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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