are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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