Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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