when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
