so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
