I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
