He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
