somebody snuck up and got me drunk
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
