Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
