Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
