If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
