She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
