I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
