are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
