im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
