covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
