i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
