just tell him i said nine months
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize