It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
