Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
