my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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