Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize