So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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