Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
