my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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