I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
